Product Advertisementand What They're Trying to Say: "Feminine" Hygiene

Pardon the wide amount of space from my last entry to this one. It wasn't from lack of muse. Instead, I was handling computer problems. I guess I should probably get used to not having Windows Vista on my laptop (not that it was all that great), and be happy with Ubuntu (which is actually pretty great).

So, here starts a mini-series on my own personal analysis on certain products, the way they're packaged, the way they're advertised, and a reason or two about the underlying reasons behind it all. I figure since I'm studying Mass Communications, I may as well put what I know to use. This post's topic: "Feminine" hygiene. Or, to be more blunt, what women use somewhere down their crotches to catch the blood their vaginae spit out once a month for at least one week.

The two products I'm going to write about will be ones that pertain to Proctor and Gamble.

What I'm going to write here will be mostly from my impressions on Always's website. First is their recent campaign, Have a Happy Period.

Have a happy period? It can't get any worse, so why not make the best of it?

I'm not sure what's worse, the notion that all women are depressed, high-maintenece schizos who need a website filled with tips on what to do during their period (like warm baths and chocolate), text message "lingo" to communicate their secret "period only" transmissions to the other female creatures that they convene with, or that, quite possibly, all this has been orchestrated quite possibly by a group of men.

"Hey, I know! My wife's always a bitch when she's on the rag. Maybe if we put all that stuff we see on TV about chocolate and cell phones, she'll get happy."

"Wait! Have a...happy period. Brilliant! You shall be promoted in the morning my dear man!"

I don't know what I should be feeling here, condescended or insulted. Look, I get it. Women are raging hormonal monsters that get crazy on men a few days before their period starts, and for most of the rest of the week. But menstruating doesn't mean that we're incapacitated during the week, that we hate all of mankind, or that we need to have a closet filled with chocolate. It means that our body is actually healthy. Hey, how 'bout that?

Besides, I don't like chocolate all that much.

Also, the Ask Iris section leaves much to be desired. VaginaPagina is far better, less biased, and more thorough. Then again, it's not a corporate product page.



First, this advertisement I managed to find. I think I'd rather prevent both embarrasments and leaks, not just one. And, come to think of it, most women have already interlinked embarrasment and tampon leaks in their minds, so this is completely redundant. "Well, sure, that's embarrasing. But what's the difference?" That, at least, was the thought going through my head.

Now, as I perused Tampax's website, the first thing thrown at me is WHAM BAM MOTHER NATURE STRIKES AGAIN BUT YOU CAN FIGHT BACK WITH THE AWESOME SUPER POWERS TAMPAX ULTRA WHATEVER GIVES YOU DUN DUN DUUUN.

Next time Mother Nature brings your Monthly Gift, be prepared.

Like this is some kind of monthly piece of mail that, without fail, is loaded with ticking time bombs and land mines. But never fear, Tampax Super Plus tampons will deactive the bombs before they explode in a horrific gory mess!

Now I feel insulted.

To make matters worse is all the techincal babble placed on their packaging.

Tampax Pearl Super Plus for the heaviest flow days. Tampax Pearl is available in Unscented and Fresh Scent version. Smooth plastic applicator and rounded tip for comfortable insertion. Contoured Anti-Slip Grip TM to make the applicator easy to hold and position. Width-wise expansion to fit your unique form. Only Tampax Pearl has an absorbent Built-in Backup® Braid to help protect against unexpected leaks. Discreet and durable wrapper with easy-to-open tabs.

First off, the grip thing is something you will find in most commercial plastic applicator tampons. Second, what the hell will a stupid braid do to make sure that I don't start dripping blood? And finally, let's make the whole thing as discreet as possible by putting it in a wrapper in a certain color that NO ONE will recognize for a tampon. Look, I don't care what it has. If it's cotton that absorbs, I'll take it.

I think the only thing that bothers me more is the fact that tampon ads and packaging, and what they emphasize, haven't changed much over the years. Don't believe me?

Pursette tampon ad circa 1974:



Tampax ad circa 1990:



The first one exemplifies how utterly horrifying it would be for a guy to find a tampon, and the need for "discreet" packaging. (Frankly, I can't pick out what the tampon there is supposed to be.) The second points out the benefits of the round smooth applicator and how one's virginity can be maintained. The virginity issue doesn't factor in so heavily in current US advertisement since it's largely accepted that a hymen can be worn down over time, and not necessarily "taken away" in sex. (And even still, comparing a tampon to a penis in size is ridiculous. Well, usually.)

There are more here at MUM.

So, the conclusion: I get that men have been hammering into our brains for centuries that periods are disgusting things that should be hidden and not talked about. But I think, at this point in history, it's retarded. What's even worse is that the message is being reinforced not by men, but by women. Men just stay out of the loop on women's health topics, and when they finally are in contact with women, freak out because their genitals get wet, they have breasts, and they menstruate.

Just sell me the product and stop trying to tell me my period is horrible. My cramps do suck, but hey, that's part of life.

what love might possibly be about. maybe.

Well, before getting the meat, let's start off with the rice: I fully understand that love can be explained as one of evolution's way of getting us to procreate. (So are orgasms, but I digress.) I also understand that soul mates are probably about as real as that piece of bread in your hand. (Made you look.)

That said, I have always been a proponent of the thought that love, at its purest and most untampered by society, bases itself far less off gender, and far more of pure compatibility between two (or more than two) people's personalities. However, as I learned in a humanities class I took last year about love and it's history (it was fascinating, by the way), love and attraction are both controlled by social constructions. I'll assume at least 98% (Fabulous Statistic© #2, and I'm actually considering making this a staple) of the people who will ever read this blog were raised thinking that a woman should love a man's penis, and a man should love that big-titted porn star.

Seriously, check out those breasts, they're like inflatable, plastic, round balloons filled to the brim with silicone. I can't stop staring.

Anyway, because we're raised by that one set social standard, it's hard for us to break out of that mold. And don't give me any crap about, "but people can be gay or bisexual", because that's so far from my point, you're all the way in Albuquerque.

I'm more referring to how, despite advances in how sexuality can be viewed, we're still really far off from creating a society in which people are allowed to fall in love with people, not gender, and are also free to freely enter as many back doors as they want, kind of like the boy lovers in Athens. (Hmm, 300? Anyone?)

At any rate, I really don't know when the whole "let's classify your sexuality" deal started, but whenever it did, it seriously hindered the way we are allowed to view ourselves sexually. Who's to say you are wholly straight, or wholly gay? Come on guys, after more than a few tequila shots, that guy over there is surely going to start looking attractive. (If you're gay, replace tequila with appletini and guy with woman.)

But more importantly, why is shame the most prominent emotion when it comes to sexuality? Or anything in sex and one's bodily functions that doesn't involve giant penises and virginal women? I'm not advocating that we change our views overnight, because it's impossible. Nor do I want to get into anything too kinky (sorry, no, I'm not into horses). Nor do I want people to start questioning everything they ever thought was true about themselves.

I guess I just want people to think about things a little differently. If not for the fact that you're 100% you're straight, would you view your best friend differently any differently? If you're bisexual, who's to say you have to love both genders equally? And if you're a straight man trapped in a woman's body and want to carry your wife's child, who are we to criticize?

That said, the prompt of this particular entry was a conversation between my fiancee, in which we came to the conclusion that, if I were a man or he a woman, we might just have fallen in love for one another. Whether we'd recognize it as such remains up in the air though.

More importantly, just enjoy love and sex for what they are: two different ways to really enjoy life. (Or cut yourself to, you decide.)